Grace
by lionesseshuntbetterinpacks
Summary: There's no escape, so keep me safe, this feels so unreal / nothing comes easily, fill this empty space, nothing like it was, turn my grief to grace


**Hey all! This is my first ever Grey's Anatomy fanfic. This is just a simple one shot and it takes place right after Meredith's step mom died and Meredith had to deliver the news to Thatcher. I had this idea all tonight and wrote it in about an hour so there are probably some grammatical errors which hopefully I'll be able to fix in the next few days! Anyways, please R and R! :)**

Meredith walked along side Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber, not one of them saying a word. The hallways at Seattle Grace seemed a lot more emptier and silent than normal, giving Meredith some time to gather what all has just happened. _How can someone even die from the hiccups?_ Meredith pondered. Once the trio reached the corner turning into the waiting area, light noises of people talking began to fill the air, the break in silence gives Meredith some sort of comfort. Dr. Webber paused, "Meredith are you sure you want to deliver the news to your father?" His voice was soft, yet firm. Susan was technically Meredith's patient and therefore responsible for delivering the devastating news to Thatcher, but she knew that Dr. Webber would gladly break the news if that was needed.

Meredith winced at the word 'father'. Yes, Thatcher was her father biologically, but he was never there. He chose Susan and his other two daughters over Meredith. There were so many nights where Meredith laid awake at night thinking about what it would have been like to live with her father and stepmom with her two half sisters away from her nonexistent mom. What it would have been like to grow up in a normal family environment. And to grow up with a family who actually cared about her.

"No," Meredith choked out. She was holding back her tears. Dr. Webber nodded along with Dr. Bailey. They allowed Meredith to turn the corner into the waiting area while they went to a nearby desk to check on other patient's files, carefully keeping an eye on Meredith.

"How is she holding up?" Derek walked over to Dr. Webber and Dr. Bailey, the news of Susan dying quickly spread over to him. He was truly concerned about Meredith, she has always been one of those people who keep everything bottled up. It broke Derek's heart when he could tell she wanted to cry, to release it all, but she always chose to keep it in. Derek was always there, and sometimes her walls bent a little but not much. It was not long ago that Derek awoke in the middle of the night and all he could hear was Meredith's quiet whimpers, clearly signaling that she was crying. Derek was frozen not knowing what to do, he decided to pull her closer to him and left his arm draped over her. He was half expecting Meredith to pull away immediately but what she did slightly surprised him as she leaned into him, and put her right hand over his arm. Derek wasn't sure if Meredith knew he was awake, he tried to stay awake incase Meredith needed him but the lack of sleep he accumulated the past few days took over.

Meredith turns the slight corner and Thatcher takes notice of her and stands right up from one of the rather uncomfortable waiting room chairs. Thatcher seems all perky and very confident that he'll be hearing good news, that he won't be joining several of the other grieving families scattered across the waiting room. His eyes were all hopeful, all Meredith does is pray that the sadness in her eyes doesn't give away the news. After a few moments of nothing but silence between the two of them. Meredith was the first one to gather enough strength to form words.

"W-w-we did everything that we could," Meredith stutters.

Thatcher's hands immediately went up to his head, tears forming in his eyes. He looked awful.

"Yo-you said it was a simple procedure," Thatcher states, his voice trembling.

"It was," Meredith chimes in, her voice still shaking.

"She trusted you, I trusted you," Thatcher quivered.

That hurt Meredith. One of the only things she craved in her life was approval. Not approval from Webber, Bailey, or even Derek. She craved approval from her parents for them to say to her one day 'good job Meredith, we're so proud of you!'. Her mother died and she doubts her father would ever want to talk to her after him believing she killed Susan, she lost her chance to ever hear her parents say this. In fact, she doesn't ever remember a time where she remembers one of her parents being proud of her. And although her parents disappointed her time and time again, she still sought out their approval.

Meredith starts to notice it. Notices the rage, the fire, the anger growing in her father's eyes. She remembered that look in her father's eyes, a look she saw quite often when he was around. But that's when he did it. He slapped her. Meredith didn't know how to react at first, all Meredith was able to do was whimper in pain. She brought her hands up to her now tender cheek, but all she was able to do was pause and stare at Thatcher, the same rage was still present in his eyes.

Miranda, Richard and Derek had been watching Thatcher and Meredith's encounter like hawks. As soon as Thatcher had risen his hand, the three of them were at Meredith's side in a matter of seconds.

Dr. Webber was the first one over to Thatcher and contained his arms, with Dr. Bailey right behind him, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. To leave this premises," It seemed at first that it looked like Thatcher was about to refuse orders but mumbled a few choice words and headed out to the exit. Dr. Webber and Dr. Bailey both gave each other the same concerned look: did Thatcher Grey really slap his daughter? Dr. Webber thought if Thatcher had slapped Meredith before, Meredith didn't exactly walk away immediately, she just kind of stood there before reacting.

Meredith had walked past Derek in her attempt to flee from everyone, he reached out to grab her but she pulled her arm away, "No don't, don't!" Meredith states weakly and walks away. Derek chose to follow her, he knew she would need someone. Would need someone to hold her or to just have someone to talk to or sit in silence with.

Derek quickly lost sight of Meredith, which at Seattle Grace Hospital, was a pretty easy thing to sight of someone rather quickly given the vastness of the hospital. Derek knew that Meredith had a supply closet that if she was not able to get an on-call room and wanted more privacy than the intern locker room, shew would hunker down in there. That particular supply closet was in-between the intern locker room and where the waiting room was. It took all of minutes for Derek to be outside the door where he suspected Meredith to be tuckering in.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, not bothering to knock. And there in front of him, the sight of Meredith broke his heart into two. He observed the cheek where Thatcher had slapped his own daughter, it was bright red with a little purple surrounding the area. He knew that it would not be long before the mark on her face would look a lost worse. Meredith was sitting there on the ground with her legs pulled up to her chest and her wrapping her arms around them. She was hyperventilating and rocking herself back and fourth it looked like. With the state Meredith was in, he wish he could go show Thatcher what state he caused his daughter, at how vulnerable and sad she is.

He carefully walked over to Meredith, knowing that a sudden movement might startle her. He sat down next to her and wrapped both of his muscular arms around her. He was preparing for Meredith to not want any sort of physical contact, for her to push him away. But in fact, she did the complete opposite, she curled up into Derek. He was surprised at first but quickly pulled her even closer to him. Meredith was silent for a few minutes, she began breathing normally again after help from Derek. Derek knew that was going to be a wet patch on his scrubs from her tears as well as a patch of snot from her runny nose. But Derek didn't care, he knew that Meredith needed him now probably more than ever.

"I just," Meredith stuttered, "I just have no idea how he could do that. I tried everything, we did everything," Derek didn't speak, he knew that Meredith wasn't done talking, all he did was squeeze her a little more. "And Thatcher slapped me," she admits, "I've never done anything right in his eyes, everything I've ever done has been wrong to him. Why was I never enough? Why did he chose his other two daughters over me? But in a way, I don't blame Thatcher for choosing his other family because if I was him, I don't know if I would choose me either," With each little confession Meredith made, his heart broke into smaller and smaller pieces for Meredith, "Why did my mom always chose her work over my wellbeing. There would be times when I was in high school where I would go weeks without seeing my mom because our schedules always conflicted. It feels awful when your mom missed all four of my homecomings in high school, she was never there to take photos. God, I don't even think I have photos from homecoming or prom. She wasn't there for my senior night for high school soccer, I had no one to walk me down the field, so I had random mom from a teammate walk me down. My mom even missed my high school graduation and then she was late to my college and medical school graduations. I miss her so much, she wasn't the best mom, at all, she was awful, but at least I had family around. With her dead and I doubt Thatcher will ever talk to me again," Meredith pauses before she was the strength to say the next few words, "I'm all alone. I have no family left. They all left. Why does everyone leave me?"

"Mer," Derek says, his voice in defeat. He had no idea where to start. He wanted to personally kill Thatcher for even laying a hand on his daughter, he even wandered if this was the first time he slapped Meredith out of anger. He wanted to kill Ellis for not even showing an ounce of interest in Meredith's life. "I don't know how he could have even laid a finger on you. But believe me, you are enough. You are more than enough. You have tons of family. You have me. You have Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex. They're your family. You have tons of people who are your family Mer. I'm so sorry that your mom wasn't more involved in your life, she truly missed out to learn how remarkable you are. She missed out on knowing a talented, selfless, most amazing person."

At this point he felt Meredith shake again, she tried speaking to him in response, but she wasn't able to form any coherent words. Her breathing became more uneven. Derek recognized the signs Meredith has when she's about to have a panic attack.

"Shhh," Derek tries to comfort, rubbing small and gentle circles on her back, "Slow down, shhh, I'm right here,"

"I-I-can't," Meredith manages to blurt out. Derek looked around the room, looking for a bag for her to breathe into. Once Derek spots one, he moves a bit to try to get the bag in reaching distance. "Please, don't go,"

"Its okay Meredith, I'm grabbing a bag for you," Derek comforted in a soft voice. Meredith nodded, immediately missing Derek's arms around her once he got up. "Now Meredith, just breathe into the bag, don't fight it," She felt Derek grab one of her hands and wrap his other arm around her, pulling her close while Meredith tries to ride out the panic attack that is now engulfing her body. It takes Meredith a few minutes of breathing into the paper bag to gain back a feeling of control again. Derek whispered comforting words into Meredith's ear while she was trying to gain control of herself. He hated that he was not able to do more for Meredith, that all he was able to do was to hold her in his arms. He could feel Meredith's breathing eventually even out, signaling that she had regained control. Meredith was laying against Derek for a bit longer, not ready to make eye contact with him just yet. But she was very thankful that he had stayed with her the entire time.

"Thank you," Meredith looks over at Derek, her eyes puffy from crying as well as whatever make up she was wearing was now streamed down her cheeks.

Derek offers her a small smile in return and leans over to kiss the side of her head.

* * *

Meredith found herself sitting silently in the car with Derek in the driver's seat. He had one hand on the wheel while his other hand was holding Meredith's. She only had seen Derek a handful of times in a black suit, but knew he looked a lot sexier than he normally did in his normal navy blue scrubs. The funeral for Susan started in ten minutes. Thatcher did not bother telling Meredith about the funeral, she had to find that out from her younger half sister, Lexie. Although she ached for a father when she was younger, she was glad at least he was an amazing father to his other two daughters.

When Derek parked in the church's parking lot, the only available parking spots were near the back. It was definitely going to be a packed church. Of course it was, Susan was definitely well loved in her community. She had been an elementary school teacher for the past twenty five years as well as being an active member in her church. She was definitely well loved.

Once parked, Derek quickly walked over to the passenger side and opened the door for Meredith. Once out of the car, Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek's arm, it was like a floatation device for Meredith. Once inside the church, Meredith and Derek sat in the very back, in the last row hoping to avoid any attention brought onto her. She was able to catch the back of Thatcher's head as well as her two half sisters and tons of little kids sitting along with them.

The service was beautiful, breathtaking and heartbreaking. There wasn't a dry tear in that church, Meredith even thought she saw Derek shed a few tears.

Right after the end of the funeral, Meredith and Derek slipped out of the church hoping to have escaped unnoticed.

"Meredith? Honey? Is that you?" A middle aged woman asked, Meredith recognized her right away, it was Aunt Linda.

Meredith forced a smile and walked over into her arms to hug her. "Nice to see you Aunt Linda. It's been way too long," How long has it been since Meredith seen Aunt Linda? Had to have been at least 10 years, and it looks like she hasn't aged a day.

"Now who is this fine man right here?" Aunt Linda asks in her normal cheery voice.

"Um, Aunt Linda this is my boyfriend, Derek. And Derek this is my Aunt Linda," Meredith introduced the pair awkwardly, Derek reached out a hand for her to shake while Aunt Linda pulled him in a hug instead, which caught Derek by surprise.

Aunt Linda went on for several more minutes about small talk and how Meredith should start coming over with a lot of the extended family for Sunday dinner. And that is when Meredith makes the eye contact with Thatcher who was making his way back over to Meredith and Derek with that same rage in his eyes as before. Derek must have not noticed Thatcher walking full speed to them, Meredith froze in fear, not knowing what Thatcher would do in front of all of these people.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" Thatcher snarled, "You're the whole reason why this funeral is happening right now. 'I did everything I could' bullshit, clearly you didn't because we wouldn't be here now,"

Aunt Linda was frozen in fear, never seeing a side like this of her brother before.

"It was a complication, that could have happened to anyone," Meredith spoke up, as her voice shakes, "And believe me when I say we did everything we could, but we couldn't have seen this coming,"

At this point a majority of the people who attended Susan's funeral were watching. Including multiple family members that Meredith has not seen since she was a young girl, she wondered if they would be proud of her, or if they would be disappointed.

Derek noticed the rage in Thatcher's eyes, when he raised his hand that is when Derek stepped in front of Meredith. Thatcher would have to kill Derek before he would ever allow Thatcher to lay a hand on her.

"You know good and well that this was not Meredith's fault," Derek raised his voice, "Meredith is one of the finest interns that Seattle Grace has ever seen. Her future is incredibly bright and it is such a shame that Meredith has never had a support system from you or Ellis, that she almost had to raise herself. She never had a father figure or even a mother figure, she had to watch as her mother chose her career over Meredith and then you choose a whole other family right in front of her," Derek sounded harsh and cruel but he didn't care. After the years of pain he caused Meredith, he deserved the pain.

There were murmurs going on in the crowd, Derek knew that it probably took a lot of family members by surprise, not knowing that all of what Thatcher did to Meredith. Surely, Ellis contributed to a lot of the pain but Thatcher surely could have tried harder, for Meredith's sake at least. Thatcher didn't even try to fight back with Derek because he knew that deep down, everything Derek had said was true.

After a few more moments of everyone awkwardly starring, he was able to grab Meredith's arm and lead her out to the car, away from everyone.

* * *

Meredith and Derek decided to spend the night in Derek's trailer, away from everyone else, where it was nothing but peace and quiet. Both Derek and Meredith were naked, but nothing sexual ever progressed, just the fact of two humans having skin to skin contact. Meredith laid there enjoying Derek's arm wrapped tightly around her while the other stroke her bare arm.

"Derek?" Meredith asked breaking the comfortable silence.

"Yes?" He responded, he turned his head facing Meredith.

"Promise you'll never leave me? Promise me that if we have kids that you won't ever abandon them," Meredith went on rambling, Derek but a stop to her rambling with a gentle kiss.

"I promise I'll never leave you. I promise that I will never abandon our kids. I promise that our kids will know what it is like to grow up with two parents in a stable household. Our kids will know how deeply loved and how cared for they are,"

Meredith eventually fell asleep in Derek's arms, knowing that he will never leave her.

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